Down to a Three-Day Schedule

Wonder of wonders. I am now officially on a three-day schedule. Starting next week I will go in to the outpatient clinic (sounds oxymoronic, huh?) only on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. My next appointment is Friday and no weekend visit. Kirk comes in tonight (actually in about 5 minutes.) Then Jacob on Sunday.

I feel so blessed. My "probation" of treatment has been reduced. Thank you, Jesus!

Thank those of you who prayed for the Magnesium in my body to rise because it did. I am now officially in the low end of the "normal" range. From 1.6 to 1.8. I attribute this to your prayers and an inspiration (from the Lord, I'm sure) to eat more greens, almonds and Mg-fortified soy drinks. I am also taking the Mg Oxide pills only with food. (The other night I took one very late at night on an empty stomach and woke up nauseated....)

I am doing very well. Counts are rising. Things are very good.

Apparently, the Mg will be an issue as long as I'm on Cyclosporine, the immune suppresent I'm taking. I'll taper off of that eventually and Mg will not be an issue.

The white blood count went back down, but that is a normal fluctuation. Pray for continued raising of my "counts," since I am eager to have a healthy immune system to the best of my ability until I'm off the Cyclosporine.

Lots to Report

Woke up this morning feeling nauseated. It got me down for a bit, until I remembered that I had taken a "lone" Magnesium Oxide tablet at 10:30PM before going to bed. They're supposed to be taken with food, but I'd forgotten to take it...so I downed it. I felt lousy all night with it. I probably would have done better to throw it up and start over the next day. But I was determined to not have to report that I'd done THAT to anyone.

Worried that it might be GVHD (since I've started engrafting,) I called Chris, a friend I've recently made who prays over the phone and lives here in Houston. We prayed and I realized as we were praying that I didn't have anything serious going on. My team at MDA confirmed this. Mg tablets are my best way to break away from having to come in for IV infusions. But everybody has good days and bad days from taking them.

By 2PM or so, I was feeling fine. I'm sure it was a mix if prayer and an Ativan. It evening now, though, all the meds I would have taken to lessen the nausea are done. But I still feel excellent. I ate a RATHER ROBUST dinner that mom so kindly made for me.

I had an experience of God these last few days. I've been inspired by the Holy Spirit to read a verse I felt I'd been given back in the early days of my return from the first transplant. The verse was about Hezikiah, a king of Judah in the book of Isaiah who was healed from a skin condition that threatened his life. Interestingly, God used medicines and a treatment to heal him.

Of course, you may remember that from my experience with Ruth Reid I ascertained the same word concerning my healing through this transplant procedure. She, too, was healed of breast cancer (20 year-survivor...so far) by an aggressive treatment she received while in Argentine. Her belief is that God brought to that place in that time so she could receive the most progressive treatment possible. It was not easy...for she had to be for a time separated from Michael, her husband...just as I am separated from Kirk.

To add to this experience, early Monday morning I awoke at 4:30AM unable to go back to sleep. I turned on the television and there was Beth Moore (a bible study writer I've been told to check out many times) touting her most recent study. The show touched me, as the guest and hosts, The Robinson, shared parallel experiences with depression as I have experienced in my life.

The next day I found one of Beth Moore's books called Breaking Away. In the first chapter, to my amazement, there was the story of Hezikiah. Beth Moore noted, as did I, that this was an example of a king healed by God's intervention in a medical procedure.

That was a very wonderful confirmation for me concerning my choice to go on with the 2nd translant. And things are going well with it. I am probably going to get my 1st weekend off! That does not usually happen sooner than the first month. I am only two weeks into the procedure, so I am pleased with my rapid progress. Especially pleased and thankful to the Lord from making things go so well.

There are many things to be thankful for these days. Renee, an old friend who has a rare form of lymphoma that presents itself in an itchy rash, is finding her "dark splotches" lightening with every dose of the trial med she is taking. Praise God! Please pray for her to begin feeling warm again...she is cold all the time...and to remove the terrible night itch.

Also, a man at my mom's work who was in an unconscious state because of a stomach ulcer gone bad woke up today. He is now his old self, laughing and making jokes. I am so glad for him!

Chris and I decided to re-schedule until next Tuesday, since that is when it will be just me and Jacob. I look forward to getting to meet her.

Please pray that my counts will continue to rise...especially my Magnesium. It fluctuates and, as a result, I must continue taking the Mg infusions and tablets, which upset my stomach, make me hot all over and give me a brief but distressing rash. It is a common side effect of Cyclosporine to have a reduction, which can become serious, of electrolytes. Being low on Mg also feels bad...leg cramps, soreness, inability to relax my muscles...etc. I want none of this...so please pray.

An Update on Father's Day

I felt as if something changed last night while I was sleeping. Like I started engrafting with Lisa's cells. It was a good feeling. My counts were the same as far as Magnesium and WB goes, but other things are rising nicely. I felt a bit of a rash, but it was from the Magnesium. It heats my body and I get a heat rash.

It's Father's Day and I've been playing Hearts on my computer (a new discovery) for much of the day. I'm done with my treatment for the day. Mom went to see Aunt Daphne while I infused.

A Good Day

Today is good day. My Magnesium went up finally...about 1/10 of a point to 1.6! Normal range is 1.8, and, for a while, I seemed to be stuck at 1.4. Mg is important for electrolytes, which are important for a bunch of other reasons electrolytes are important. Other counts went up, too, except for White Blood, which has--as predicted--held to a low point, because of the Cyclosporine (probably.)

Mom is planning to visit Aunt Daphne today. She lives about an hour from here. Kirk will be here Wednesday evening...about the time mom is leaving for Santa Fe. Jacob is doing his final packing for BSA camp. Family "things" are starting to become resolved. Thank you, Jesus!

I'm, of course, writing this from my out patient room on Rose 10. Another 4-hour treatment, then I'm out of here. The weekends are pretty bleak around here...but BORING is good when it comes to this kind of treatment, right? Thank you God for BORING.

I'm going to finish my paper today, so that Kirk can send it to my professor. That will, hopefully, take care of my INCOMPLETE a couple of months before the deadline. It's a good paper and I've had people reading it for errors. I'm glad to be getting it completely done.

I should start engrafting some time tomorrow or next week. Please pray that I'll take Lisa's cells with ease and in accordance with God's will. No GVHD. No complications whatsoever.

Thanks for your prayers so far. They have certainly brought MANY GOOD THINGS into my experience of this treatment.

Explanation

In case you're wondering why I wrote that depressing entry (ie. poem) today, you should first know that, for most of you, it has nothing to do with you. A week before I went home from my autologous transplant, for one reason or another, something happened between members of this family that has yet to be resolved. Sometimes it gets to me and the result is a depressing poem like the one I wrote today. There was a time when I would have apologized for expressions of emotion such as sad poems because I was sure I had offended somebody. Since cancer, I think I'm less concerned about what people think of what I write and this inspires me to let the poem be as it is.

Whatever the case, I wish to make it known to God and everybody that I am really looking forward to the resolution of things surrounding this issue. There's nothing like cancer to make re-evaluation more vocation than fancy. And I have certainly done my share of this heart-wrenching soul-searching that seemed like such a cliche when I encountered it before.

For my part, I feel as if I've done as much as I can. Calls were made and it was satisfying at least in one case. For this I am grateful. The rest is still unresolved and the unquiet in my soul appears once in a while to shake me and say: pray about this, Sherry. For that is all I can do.

It is in God's hands.

However, this last part of my cure--the allogeneic transplant--isn't easy and the longer silence reigns when it should not...the more resolved I become to let people go who once I held so dear. And this makes me sad.

For those of you who continue to stand by me...thank you with all my heart. Your prayers to God has moved Him to take care of me in ways I never dreamed of. You are part of my healing, and, for that, I am grateful. And so blessed. Thank you again.

Summer Quiet

The quiet is sometimes too loud for me.
I turn on the television to hear the sound of voices.
But noise is all I hear.

I scour my e-mails
As if bleaching them will make me smile.
But such chastisement is not within me.

I long to bring people within my skin
By some Spirit-driven power
Give insight to my situation. But it belies inspiration.

Where are the friendly voices I once heard so often?
Have they abandoned me
When abandonment cannot be forgotten?

Yes and yes. There can be no other answer.
I thank God for the time
When I can hear only His voice

Because so many others are silent.

A Lot of Waiting

It's a lot waiting in waiting rooms these days, but mom and I find things to do. Mom took the required CVC care classes, so today she could do what is called a DEMO. That means she'll change my dressing in front of a nurse who'll give her the ALL CLEAR for having the honor of changing my dressing. Infusion Therapy requires people to take the class twice so they don't miss anything. I'm hoping we'll be done with my daily infusion of Magnesium Sulfate to go to the DEMO by 3:30PM without having to drag my IV pole along with us.

I am expecting a miracle today...in terms of my levels today. God is going to bring up my Magnesium serum levels today. I can just feel it. My other counts are doing as is customary and normal for someone taking the kinds of medications I'm taking.

I'm so glad mom is here. I know I wouldn't be doing as well as I am if she weren't here. The first month is a lot about being tired and think I would have slept through some important things...like dinner and medications...if mom hadn't been there to wake me up.

Jacob is about to be off for Boy Scout Camp. It should be fun for him. He gets to do a lot of fun things! Like Advanced Sailing! I'm looking forward to seeing him, though. I do miss having my family around me.

It will be great when Kirk can come back to Houston (if only for a visit.) I miss him a lot.

Mom had no trouble extending her flight departure to next Wednesday, so I'm covered until then. Then Kirk comes. Jacob will be here after Boy Scout Camp.

Finally...An Update

It hasn't been because I was too sick. I've actually been feeling pretty good. It hasn't been because I've been too busy. I've had time to write here and there. The reason I haven't written is more about a lack of energy, since I've been hanging out a lot at MD Anderson received Magnesium treatments and getting tired as my counts start getting low. Nothing unusual here. All of this was bound to happen.

It's a great blessing that this week and now that's she's extended it through much of next week, my mom will be here with me. She helps me in so many ways. I really don't know how I'd have made it as well as I have without her. A couple of nights were so tough I crawled in bed with her.

The problem: mainly headaches and a feeling that resembles what an electrical pole must feel when electricity hums up and down it. That is most likely due to my Cyclosporine counts being too high and will soon be remedied. My body gets so warm--almost more of a summer sunburn feeling--when I take Magnesium, so we've had to slow down the infusion quite a bit.

I've had great support from other friends. Especially a new prayer partner I call upon when I can. Sam Stringfield made me an adorable "W" with a sweet message on the back, which has meant so much to me. Randy also gave me something from his trips to Russia. I just love it.

Lisa is back, of course, in New Mexico, happy and healthy. All ill affects from the medication and the CVC they put in her leg (since her veins in her arms were too small). She sounds great. I can't wait to be in Santa Fe again partying and enjoying the beautiful surroundings there. They saw the "tornado" from their house that was shown on CNN this past weekend.

My White Blood Count is steadily going down...though slowly, while my Red count stays the same! Platelets are good. Found out I'm a carrier of something called CMV--a kind of herpes virus that gives you cold sores. That means taking another medication to prevent any outbreaks there.

Otherwise, all seems to be going just fine. I slept very well for the first time in a while last night. Mainly because a praying friend prayed I would.

I have stories about angels I've seen at MD Anderson, but I'll tell those in another blog.

Sunday on the ATC Bed Unit

On Sundays, I receive my treatment on a different floor and section of MD Anderson. The internet connection there was not good and neither was my cell phone connection. Try as I might I could not update my blog or make calls while I was there, but I can now.

Kirk's back in Dallas now, and, by now, he's probably started on the lawn. I shouldn't see him again until Friday. But my mom is here. She's in the kitchen cutting up peaches she's going to cook for me.

I was low in Magnesium again, so the nurse gave me even more to infuse at home. It'll be done soon though. I decided if I was so deficient in Mg I needed to find out what I could eat to boost it. Halibut, almonds and green vegetables. I don't know if I've ever eat Halibut, but I certainly like almonds. I'm going to see what else when I do some more research today. Like I said it was very difficult to do research on the internet from the room I was in today.

Otherwise, I'm still feeling pretty good. My energy is still low, but I'm able to eat really well. I'm keeping the headaches away as well.

When the sun goes down I'm going to try a walk around the park here in the apartment complex. Simple things, but so important.

My First Saturday at Rose 11

I feel better today than I have in weeks. The Cyclosporine was reduced again from 300 MG to 200 MG. My rubin levels were too high, so they decided I was probably taking too much Cyclosporine. No headache today or terrible nausea. Not eating all that much, but what else is new?

Yesterday, I did sleep for most of the day, which makes for some interesting dreams. Sleeping so much makes it hard to distinguish the difference between waking and sleeping. For example, I'll see Martin (my cat) come into the room. He meows. I answer him with my waking voice and realize it was only a dream. This happens over and over again with only the characters and their requests changing. One amazing thing. I don't dream about having cancer any more.

So, at this moment, I'm writing my blog on my bed in the Ambulatory Treatment Center (medical-speak for Outpatient) watching HG TV. A slow IV of Magnesium is dripping into my body because they discovered if they drip it too fast I become so flushed it makes me feel as if I have a sunburn. When that happens I can get a headache. So they slowed it down.

Kirk is reading Memoirs of a Geisha. Yes, it's Saturday and I'm here receiving my treatment. It'll be interesting to see how things go on Sunday.

My mom comes in today at 5PM. I am looking forward to that.

We are still not sure who will be here for me after Mom leaves on the 17th. Or the next week for that matter.

I put my life in God's hands. I know he'll provide.

Cyclosporine Lowered from 350 to 300 Mg

Everything gets a little bit better each day. Threw up only once...still feeling the affects of the radiation. They reduced my Cyclosporine from 350 to 300. Which is nice. That's just two less smelly pills to get down morning and night.

Right now I'm receiving magnisum, which tends to make my skin looked flushed. When I go home I'll take a bath (in our spacious garden tub) and hopefully the redness will be gone. They worry about these things being signs of Graft vs. Host. But I don't think so. It only happens when I'm receiving Mg. My doctors agree with me.

I still feel wonderful today. That knowing beyond knowing that God has healed me. As soon as the nausea passes and I can eat normally, it will almost seem as if this whole experience was just a bad dream.

Praise God.

Cyclosporine Lowered from 350 to 300 Mg

Everything gets a little bit better each day. Threw up only once...still feeling the affects of the radiation. They reduced my Cyclosporine from 350 to 300. Which is nice. That's just two less smelly pills to get down morning and night.

Right now I'm receiving magnisum, which tends to make my skin looked flushed. When I go home I'll take a bath (in our spacious garden tub) and hopefully the redness will be gone. They worry about these things being signs of Graft vs. Host. But I don't think so. It only happens when I'm receiving Mg.

I still feel wonderful today. That knowing beyond knowing that God has healed me. As soon as the nausea passes and I can eat normally, it will almost seem as if this whole experience was just a bad dream.

Praise God.

The Burden of Cancer Is Gone

The day before yesterday was a tough day. I reported to receive total body irradiation. It was nothing. I lay on one side for five minutes. And then on the other side for five. I asked them to put a Christian station on, so I lay there listening to the songs and "thinking about something else" (as they suggested I should.)

As I did, I could think of nothing except what the songs were singing. God's glory and our need to worship him.

When I left I rang a bell in the hall that signaled to everyone that this was my last radiation treatment. Of course, it was also my first. The people in the waiting room applauded me warmly. Then I walked out with Kirk.

Within minutes, I was feeling very sick. A weariness unlike anything I'd ever experienced before came over my body. I was so tired I could hardly speak. Then the nausea. It hit me unexpectedly. I barely made it to the restroom to throw up. Lisa and Kirk were having lunch in the park. They bought me some soup, which I took one look at and ran to throw up again.

I finally decided to get as fast as I could to Apheresis, where I had some hope that they could give e some relief. They did.

By the time I started receiving Lisa's stem cells, I was aching all over (more effects of the radiation.) The nurse I had was Joe and he tried various things to help, but it was pretty much agony until I was able to get home and take a Darvon.

Since the day I took radiation, I feel I've improved considerably. The main and most miraculous difference is that I now wake up every morning free of that terrible cancer burden I had started to feel after the auto transplant. I wake up and no matter how nauseated or headachy, I feel a wonderful sense of God's glory. I am at peace and this is what God promised I would have when I spoke to the Reids. I just didn't expect that the main part of my peace would come AFTER receiving the transplant.

But it is a difference that is so good and pure it never dissipates as I go through my morning routine. Making a cup of hot tea, reading e-mails, and talking to Kirk, if he's not already busy with a call. I feel for the first time that the cancer is gone.

I know God has healed me. I liken it to knowing that Kirk was the man I wanted to marry. I just knew that he was the perfect one for me. And it certainly has turned out that way. We've been married now 8 years. Much of those years I know were good because of Kirk's unfailing kindness and love toward me. I am so blessed.

Allogeneic Transplant Day

Kirk and I are sitting with Lisa in Apheresis as I'm writing this. Lisa's reading The Memory Keeper's Daughter, and Kirk is eating an apple while playing with his Blackberry. Just joking. He's actually only eating his apple right now.

Lisa's giving her stem cells...feeling good. No pain meds were necessary for her since 8PM last night. That's good because sometimes the Neupogen can make you feel rather achy. I have a slight headache, but it is really quite manageable. No nausea. I even ate a regular breakfast. Not too large, just something to put on my stomach to avoid stomach upset from the Cyclosporine.

I received a very nice CD of bible verses from Janice yesterday, but haven't had the chance to listen to them yet. I know I will sometime today. Thank you, Janice!

At 11AM, Kirk and I will go over to Radiation. I'll take radiation, then, if Lisa is finished in Apheresis, we'll all find something to eat for lunch. Then, I'll take the transplant here in Apheresis at 1PM or 2PM.

Thanks to all of you for your prayers. I am feeling quite calm now because of God's grace and mercy. Your prayers have been instrumental in this, and I do appreciate it very much.

Hanging Out at Rose 10

The CVC insertion (both Lisa's and mine) went well, as I knew it would. Kirk is wheeling Lisa over to the Rotary, since she is done with Apheresis. (She had a Darvon right at the end to help with some bone pain she was just starting to have.) So I'm here outside of the allogeneic clinic waiting for them to take me to a room. Then I will start a four-hour infusion of something to make tomorrow easier.

Tomorrow is a quick radiation treatment. About 1/30 the amount given to most breast cancer patients. But it may make me nauseated. I'm believing that it won't.

I heard good news from Renee today. The trial medicine she has been taking for almost 2 weeks is really starting to work. Her skin is getting lighter and she is very hopeful that it will continue to heal her as it has other MF patients she's met. One has been taking it only one month and she no longer experiences "the cold" and her itch is considerably less. Praise God is all I can say. I am so happy for her!

Tomorrow is the big day. Lisa did so well today, she may not need to give any more cells tomorrow. I do radiation and take her cells (ie. get the bone marrow transplant) tomorrow.

Mom arrives this Saturday and will say the week, so that Kirk can go back to work. Since we don't have anyone for the week after she leaves and I am likely to be a bit "wonky" still, Kirk may have to come back. That is, unless someone else can take over those four days of the week of the 16th. Whatever that Monday is. I don't have my calendar right in front of me.

Shopping and Fun

Today Lisa and I went shopping at the Galleria. We got so busy enjoying ourselves that we didn't realize what time it was. Kirk had to call to tell us he'd arrived in Houston. We were already on our way back to the hotel...so it was okay. Only a short lapse of time really.

It is so good to have Kirk here. Both Lisa and I have appointments tomorrow for catheter insertions. Kirk will be our caregiver. Thank goodness they had the sense to schedule these procedures at different times.

I go to Rose 10 (the floor where MDA does all the allogeneic transplants) also tomorrow and start a four hour infusion to prepare me for radiation on Tuesday. After radiation, then I'll receive Lisa's cells.

The apartment is available at 3PM tomorrow, so we'll start moving in there. But maybe not until Tuesday. It just may be easier to stay at the hotel another night. We'll see.

We were able to get the adjoining room here at the hotel for Kirk and I, but it's not available another night. The room that Lisa and I have had for a week, however, IS still reserved until Wednesday.

Lisa's got a few small aches and pains from the Neupogen. I'm doing okay from the Cyclosporine. My feet started hurting a little today after walking the mall, but I wasn't wearing my running shoes. Just my converse. So that may be the reason. They feel pretty okay now. We came back to the room and watched the movie Office Space. What a funny movie! And I've seen it many times already.

I've got to go take my 10PM meds. All's well at this time and I don't see any reason for that to change.

A Quieter Day

Lisa has one appointment today at noon with Infusion Therapy. Yesterday it was determined that the veins in her arms are too small, so they'll probably insert a shunt or something in a larger vein. More on this later.

We both started medications for the first time this morning. I started Cyclosporine, and Lisa started Neupogen shots. We prayed over both medicines. At this point, we're both working on our laptops until the appointment.

We were going to drive to Seabrook to visit with Denise, a friend I've known since Middle School. But the noon appointment postpones things a bit. Also, I thought we wouldn't start any new medications until Saturday morning. Since we started this morning, though it's not likely, we have to think about how we might feel physically.

I set the Cyclosporine out on the window sill in a bowl, as another trial patient recommended. She's a nurse and noticed that letting the pills "air out" diminished the bad smell they have and helped reduce any stomach upset.

The bone marrow biopsy yesterday was my first with sedation. I woke up with a headache...probably because I could not drink after midnight. Also, Houston takes some getting used to with all the mold and pollution in the air. I felt as if the Holy Spirit came before the procedure and took away my headache. I ended up not having to take anything for it by the time they came to set up my IV.

Last night, Lisa and I went to the Hobbit Cafe. I had a great egg salad platter with some greens, since Cathy and the other doctors said I could have a salad before going back to not eating raw vegetables and fruits. We bought t-shirts at the Hobbit Cafe. Lisa's has Thorin Oakenshield and mine has Gandalf. They are my favorite kind of t-shirt. The kind with the cap sleeves and on the small side. I call it "baby doll," but you get my drift.

We have some movies we're going to watch. Stuff like Charlie's Angels, Sideways and 13 Going on 30. We watched Blast From the Past earlier this week. It was really funny. I'd never seen it before. It tickled me.

Arrived at Rotary House

I arrived at the Rotary House about an hour ago. My room wasn't ready, so I had to wait about 30 minutes. It was no big deal. Otherwise, everything went smoothly.

I called Kathy, my research nurse, to tell her I'd arrived. Today, as it turns out, one of the other trial patients I had so much fun talking to when I was last here is actually going home. Another patient I was worried about is still here, but she is feeling MUCH better. Praise God. I'd been praying for her A LOT.

So I've got a few hours to exercise, eat or take a nap if I want before going to get Lisa at the airport. Her first appointment is tomorrow at 10AM: registration. I have a couple of easy appointments in the morning, then I'm done by noon. I don't know what else they'll need Lisa to do.

One of the first things Kathy asked was...is Lisa feeling okay? Yes, I said, she's feeling okay. No cold or anything like that and emotionally...she's great as far as I can tell.

I had the chance to talk to Ina (Kirk's sister) on the way here. It was really good to talk to her. She was painting something in her house when I called.

I'll update after Lisa arrives.

Leaving Dallas for Houston Tomorrow

Tomorrow morning I'll be driving to Houston. I have no appointments, except to get Lisa from the airport at 9:35PM. We'll be staying at the Rotary Hotel on the MD Anderson campus. The apartment won't be ready until next Monday (June 4) after 3PM, but chances are we won't move in until after Wednesday. Lots of appointments. So it might be easier just to stay as close to the clinics as possible.

Kirk will probably join Lisa and me on Saturday or Sunday. He'll be bringing with him most of the stuff that I'll be wanting with me at the apartment, besides what I'll already have with me.

I bought Lisa a funny little surprise gift that I think will make her laugh when I pick her up at the airport.

I'm feeling much calmer about everything for some reason tonight. That wasn't the case yesterday. But I remembered to pray and breath. So I'm feeling better tonight. I haven't driven so far by myself since Thanksgiving. I'll have the GPS, so I'll be less likely to get lost.

Kirk is a little upset about me having to take off by myself. Please pray for him. I keep reminding him I'll be with Lisa, but it doesn't help much. He's been my primary caregiver for a long time now. It's not easy for him to give that up, I think. I mean, he puts on a brave face, but he's still having a hard time.

I keep remembered Ruth Reid, who had to be in Argentina by herself when she received her treatment. Michael could not be there for her, since he was sick in the hospital. How scary that must have been for both of them. But they are fine today. It's hard to believe you'll be fine when you're going through it. I guess that's what faith is all about. I heard someone once say that FAITH stands for Fun Adventures In Trusting Him. That's certainly true, but right now it doesn't seem particularly fun.

Getting Over It

"Wherefore receive ye one another, as Christ also received us to the glory of God."

Romans 15:7, King James Version

The version of the above verse, which was given to me yesterday by Chuck (my husband's brother,) uses the word "accept" instead of "receive," but I love seeing what words the old King James version uses to convey the same message.

Here, Paul is commanding the church in Rome to accept one another, in the same way that Jesus accepts us. The Greek word used in the original text is proslambano, which means: "to take to one's self, to take into friendship." The Roman church was apparently made up of both Jews and Gentiles, who just weren't getting along. Paul insisted that they all find a way to be friends.

Friendship came up in my bible yesterday when I was reading a passage in John. In it, Jesus defines friendship as a willingness to lay down your life for another person. Now, that's heavy! A bit too heavy for this culture, which defines friendship quite often by how much "texting" we do to a certain person or how much "face to face" time we spend with someone.

For me, it's about something that's scary to talk about. But isn't giving up your life for someone pretty scary? It has to do with friends I've made with people who have cancer. The problem with having friends who have cancer is that terrible fear which surfaces in the mind despite all efforts to vanquish it. The fear that the friend might not survive. How will I feel, if that happens? Since survival is a concern for anyone, including myself, where cancer is concerned.

Then I realized that I can "lay down my life" or set aside my fears of losing someone just by continuing a friendship with someone who is sick. This is not as easy as it sounds. For, I hate to say it, but I've been abandoned by many old friends that I think just couldn't bear up to the pain of possibly losing me. Either that or they just let me go, since it was easier and, perhaps, not as scary.

I'm okay with that now. Since I know that I have probably done similarly in the past to others that I knew who were sick...and I didn't even realize it. If you haven't been through sickness, it's really hard to "get" what it's like. Now that I know, I know I'll do better. It is more than torture to be rejected by anyone when you're going through cancer. But I understand. Because I've been there and didn't even realize what I was doing that wasn't helpful to the person who was sick.

But God is good and I've got a new perspective. Sick people may be "scary," but Jesus commands us to get over it. And that's what I want to do: get over it.