Abner's Outburst

"Abner became furious. 'Am I a Judean dog to be kicked around like this?' he shouted. 'After all I have done for you and your father by not betraying you to David, is this my reward--that you find fault with me about this woman?'"

2 Samuel 3:8

My One Year Bible has me reading passages I've never read before these days. A story from 2nd Sam about David and the followers of Saul. At one time or another I've heard or read almost every story of the bible. But, for some reason, I missed this one: I'd never heard the story before.

Maybe that is because years ago when I read the story of David and Saul in 2nd Sam, I was focused on the part that I really liked. That is, the part when Saul goes into the cave to relieve himself and David cuts off the corner of his robe without Saul knowing it. I always thought that was cool, since David used the incident to convince Saul how wrong Saul was about David's desire to kill him. For David could have killed Saul, but he didn't. He just cut off the corner of his robe.

But today I read about what followed after Saul tried to kill himself in battle to avoid being humiliated by loss. Basically, what ensues is a series of skirmishes between those who are loyal to David and to those who followed Saul. I was amazed that, after Saul had essentially killed himself, his men would continue to fight for him. The deception of Saul's men was certainly great.

When I came to the part when Abner, one of these squabbling men, said "After all I've done for you" I couldn't help but laugh. How familiar such a phrase is--even today--when people are fighting among themselves. The assumption in the phrase is familiar. Though I may not say it, I have felt it. That longing to hold people accountable for the things I imagine I've done for them.

How often do we experience this feeling when people do something for us or when we do something for others? For me, it is often a feeling of being in debt...of owing something to someone. The problem is not that I begrudge returning favors I've received. For I do enjoy returning favors (and Kirk is really better at it than I am.) The problem comes when people feel they can mistreat you after they do a favor for you. Nobody likes that. But it happens. And what do they say when you react? "After all I've done for you...."

Father, I ask that you prevent me from keeping an accounting of what I've done for others. Let me not say what Abner said, even to myself. As well, prevent others from saying the same to me. Amen.