Friends Now

Like Martin and Ace who have finally decided to be friends after all, in their forced co-habitation at the Goddess of Animals Dwelling (aka Ina) I have made friends with cancer. Of course, it helps that renewed strength enables my foot to be lodged more firmly upon its neck. But this is the position I feel I must take with cancer: that is, a position of "amiable enemies." That is, true adversaries calling a truce and agreeing to be friends but only under certain terms. The more suitable metaphor? A treaty, one that even President Carter would negotiate and support. I have now negotiated a treaty with the cancer.

I can do this because I feel good now. Cancer had me for a while, but I fought and escaped. In the fight, I lost my hair. I learned what pain really is. I experienced terrible fear and darkness. I dug through the underworld to find myself on the other side of pain, fear and cancer itself.

Throughout, I discovered the love of my family, friends and even that of strangers--Velma**, Sally* and Jill***--was with me, though I could not always feel it. But most of all, I have seen God working through people to bring me through and that has been like seeing a miracle. But a miracle more ordinary than I ever dreamed it was. Since it is God who gives people to my life, who have willingly shown God's love to me (who were showing me God's love all along.) I thought this miracle of love was unusual, but now I know better. The love of family and friends is ordinary--an ordinary, everyday kind of miracle that I could not see while pain and fear entrapped me.

Now, like Martin, I lay beside my former adversary and watch the door, eager to see what life will bring me now. What action can I hope to see? What beauty can I experience? What wonders await me beyond the door?

I am filled with hope. And life is very, very good.

*Sally is the NINO representative who helped us to get this great apartment in Houston. We had another one, but it didn't seem right. She scrambled to find us another. It was very kind of her. I recommend NINO corporate housing to all who find themselves needing to find a place near MD Anderson.

**Velma is my "fastrack nurse" at MDA in the Bone Marrow Transplant division. She is like an angel. Soft-voiced and yet willing to stand up for my needs.

***Jill is my favorite doctor. She may be what they call an APN, but to me she's my doctor. She knew exactly what I would be experiencing depending on what day I was in the transplant. It helped so much to have forewarning. AND she's got a great bed-side manner. So funny and full of the type of feminism I love.